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Three Breath Practices for
Lovers
By: Chrys Curtis-Fawley, CSB
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Becoming aware of your breath is a powerful way
to transform your erotic experience. Conscious
breathing allows you to heighten pleasure,
soothe tension and explore new heights.
Conscious breathing floods your bloodstream with
oxygen, which nourishes every cell of your body
and fuels your erotic fire.
There is much to read and learn about conscious
breathing and its effects- but the best way to
learn is to simply practice bringing more
awareness to your breath while receiving erotic
touch. Notice what you are feeling and allow the
experience to motivate further practice.
Here are three simple breath practices for
lovers to play with together. These inquiries
can be shared during an erotic massage,
lovemaking, or any other time that you and your
lover are sharing touch together.
The “Inquiry” is one of my favorite models of
body-based learning. I first encountered the
practice of inquiries in yoga, when my teacher
suggested a particular posture or breath pattern
and would ask us to “Simply Notice” what we were
feeling. Erotic Inquiries allow us to explore
new skills with the spirit of curiosity and
wonder, and take a lot of pressure of the
sometimes daunting journey of sex education.
An “embodied inquiry” can be any length of time;
a few minutes during a lovemaking session or a
few hours of dedicated practice and exploration
of a particular skill, technique or intention.
Simply ask yourself and/or your partner “I
wonder what would happen if. . . “ and then pay
attention to what you experience.
Easy Breathing
One easy way to approach the breath is to become
aware of the economy of your breath. Let’s go
for the most breath with the least effort. A
relaxed, deep breath allows the body to receive
the most nourishment from the inhale, a full
release with each exhale, and minimal effort to
complete each breath cycle. See the Pelvic
Breathing tutorial for more guidance on breath
economy and anatomy.
For now, simply notice your breath as you become
aroused. Feel the inhale and exhale, and notice
the effort of each breath. Now, go for more air
with less effort. Allow your throat to open and
drink in the air. Then just let it go. The
exhale is where we tend to waste the most effort
and create excess tension. You may notice that
you either push the air out with force or hold
it back as you exhale slowly. On the exhale, try
and let it go, simply release the breath.
Inquiry 1: Match your breathing
There are many ways to “breathe together” while
sharing touch. The most simple of these is
matching your breath to your partner’s. Let your
inhales and exhales rise and fall together, at
about the same pace. Take turns leading and
following one another’s breath. You can let it
be natural and easy, or make a playful game out
of it by playing with different patterns (such
as two quick inhales and one longer exhale.)
This is a nice way to begin your massage
together. Let the pace of your hands be guided
by the pace of your breath.
Inquiry 2: Match the breath to the stroke
This practice works particularly well while
touching the genitals, but it can be paired with
just about any massage stroke. The goal of this
practice is to match the sensation of your
massage stroke to the breath of the recipient.
Try this: move your hand UP the genitals with
the INHALE, and then DOWNWARDS on the EXHALE.
Givers: make it your game to match the stroke to
the breath as precisely as you can. Recipients:
enjoy the sensations of the massage stroke while
focusing on your breath pattern.
Here, the pleasure of your massage becomes a
powerful motivator to keep breathing
rhythmically. Givers, you can tease out this
motivation by making a deal with your recipient:
If the conscious breathing stops, so does the
massage!
As you begin playing with matching your touch to
the breath, you will notice it becoming one of
your massage skills. You can fluidly and
gracefully adjust touch to match breath and vice
versa until the sensation of breathing and the
experience of your touch become intertwined and
mutually supportive.
Inquiry 3: Propel your breath with The Little
Big Draw
When we are breathing consciously and building
erotic energy, our breath often becomes quite
musical, a symphony of inhales and exhales,
moans and sighs, excitement and relief. As our
breathing skills develop with practice, we can
use the breath to compose our erotic journey,
creating peaks and climaxes as well as periods
of relaxation and savoring.
A “little big draw” is a technique that you can
use to create changes in the feeling states in
your body. This is a version of the “Big Draw”
technique traditionally used at the end of a
massage to create a dramatic period of full-body
savoring. The “little big draw” is used at any
time during your massage or lovemaking that you
want to create a shift in energy or a “hinge
moment” as I call these rapid transitions.
The easiest way to begin exploring the little
big draw technique is during a period of high
excitement. Play with your partner or yourself
to generate lots of excitement in your body. A
full-volume charging breath and high energy
strokes can assist you in building your arousal.
When you feel ready, take three deep full
breaths. Then, inhale big and full and hold your
breath while you clench your pelvic muscles.
Your whole body may clench as well, but begin
and focus your clench in your anal sphincters
and pelvic floor. After a few moments, relax
completely and enjoy the sensations that arise.
Then continue right away with your massage and
breathing. Let the Little Big Draw propel you
into the next round of your pleasure.
After An Inquiry
Ask yourself or your partner “What are you aware
of?” Take note of how your body feels - are you
aware of any particular sensation? Where in your
body do you feel the most? Notice your emotional
landscape - how are you feeling? Are you aware
of feelings for your partner? You may notice two
or more emotions coming up at the same time -
allow and notice these combinations. If you are
sharing touch and breath with a partner, check
in with them after enjoying the afterglow. A
great question to ask after an inquiry is “What
more would you like to explore next time?” or
“How could it be even better?” Give thanks for
the experience you had and allow your learning
to unfold over time. |
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